Monday, August 10, 2009

Beauty for Ashes

One day, as Mya and I were getting ready to leave for church, we were at the door and I said, "Oh, I need to get my Bible." So, I went to the bedroom and got it, and returned to the door to leave when I realized that she went to her room as well. She came back with her Bible, from the night stand, next to the rocking chair where we read to her every night. She said, "Here ya go." This was so sweet that I stacked it with mine, and off we went. Most every night she demands at least three books, one about bed time, one with Thomas the Train or Elmo, and always her Bible. She genuinely loves to hold the Bible herself and flip through the pages like she is reading it herself. So stinkin cute, it does my heart good.

Tonight, I could not find her usual Bible, so I resorted to the "very special Bible" which is the tiny one with her name engraved on it that she received at her baby dedication. This lead to a moment where she actually sat still long enough for me to tell her about Jesus, a special friend. In our house, we pray a lot and talk about church and Jesus, sure. But this was a divine chance that every parent is honored to have. What a responsibility and privilege to tell our children about Christ. I began to tell Mya that Jesus loves her. Jesus loves Mommy. Jesus loves Daddy. Jesus loves (insert many names of family members and friends that we know). To which she replied, "Jesus loves Mya" while she held her little hand to her chest. And a resounding YES poured over my heart and lips.

I could not help myself. I was then overwhelmed to talk about her brother, Coen. I'm certain that he gave Mya the low-down on Mommy and Daddy before she came to meet us on earth. I said, "Do you know your brother Coen? He was a strong, beautiful boy. Mommy and Daddy held him as a baby, and now he lives with Jesus in heaven. " And this is the kicker...she said, "My Coen" again, with her little hand to her chest.

Now, this could be apart of the Mine-osaur phase that she has been in lately, especially considering she is weeks away from turning 2. But, it is my hope that we will continue to speak of his amazing life. I am convinced that the word I was given, several months after Coen's death, has become true. God was faithful to bring beauty for ashes. This is literal to me. We had Coen cremated and we chose to spread his ashes during a private retreat, just Josh and I. Mya is a beautiful girl, and was a beautiful baby. Sure I'm bias. However, I know she carries the countenance of the Lord, which was seen even from her first days in the NICU as she received her blood transfusions. I get lost easily in her face, her eyes. She represents so much restoration and joy to us.

I also know her beauty is in her spirit, personality, and her heart. Clearly, God has instilled in her a special gift. This is the beauty that God sees in us. Each of us holds it, it's in the mirror. It's called His image. We were exactly what he had in mind. For most of us, we are exactly where He wants us. I will say it forever, He is faithful. He can and He will.

He brings Beauty for ashes,
Strength for fear,
Gladness for mourning,
Peace for despair.

He does, He does, He does.... He does.


  1. precious.

    cannot begin to imagine the depths of what you've been through, but these posts are an awesome arrow pointing directly to Him.

  2. Jen,
    Reading this made the feeling that overwhelmed my heart spill onto my cheeks. I remember seeing you as Coen was growing, and the joy that shone on your face. I know he is waiting for you, and you'll one day get to hold him in your arms again.
    Your strength undoubtedly comes from the Lord, and I want you to know that you've ministered to me tonight.