Thursday, June 24, 2010

Perspective and Grace

I'm getting older, and some things have changed, some have not. I love pepperoni pizza, always have. Always will. I hate socks, the seam on my toes and the closed-in feeling, plus all the sweatiness and stink, eww. Socks are merely a necessity, like when frost bite looms. I also love cartoons, who doesn't?

I also love things such as: spending time with the Lord, hearing from the Lord, reading and studying Scripture. Did I cover all the bases? I'm supposed to say all that, right? Did it sound good when you read it? Anything I'm missing? Oh, that's right. Maybe you didn't catch it. I didn't, not at first, for maybe only a glimpse. Now I know... grace.

As I've aged, which I don't like the sound of, my perspective has changed drastically. I've been asked more than once how "it's" changed me. "It's" the sudden loss of our son, Coen now almost 6 years ago. I must say, I now examine loss with new perspective. Experiencing any kind of loss has apparently been somewhat of a struggle for me. Not the kind of struggle finding you with blue lights in the rear view, or the attempts to stop bad habits. This is a new perspective for me: strife, confusion, disappointment. "It's" undoubtedly changed me.

My perspective on grace has been skewed all this time. More and more, God has offered and shown me grace, but I refuse to believe, much less accept. I am knowingly in a constant "flux" with the Lord. automatically try to "mend" things with Him, then I realize I'm such a sinner. Big time. Finally, I'm feeling as if I'm "right" with the Lord again, only to repeat the same mistakes. A battle of my will, a sin cyc I le. So, what gives? The last thing satan would have me know, or much less have a healthy perspective on is grace. Grace for myself. All the Grace I can take for myself, tuck into my pockets, and sneak in my to-go box. Grace for hurting, for struggling for frustration, for disbelief. By now, I've spent many years thinking and believing that there is a certain way to process, to heal, to grow, and to live. This is a lie. A lie straight from hell.

There. I said it, I've outed satan and his hellish schemes to keep me from my Lord. What's not changed? I love to spend time with the Lord, hearing from the Lord, reading and studying Scripture. I love the Lord, yet even more important, He freggin Loves me. He loves me no matter what. Now that's grace.

What shall separate us from the love of God? Shall trouble? Or hardship? Or danger? Or sword? NO. In all these things, we are more than conquerers, in Him who loves us.