Saturday, November 29, 2008
Hopefully you read the story about the chair rocker. That story, as my husband would say, "is totally you" and he often reminds me, just be you. I think we all get caught up in what other people are thinking. This seems to be an age old cliche, but in my (ahem...) adult life, I have come to obsess at times over finding my identity elsewhere. This is true in my work, and ever since I became a mom. We are created with a need to belong, a need to be loved, and a desire to be known.
The story of the chair rocker is funny but really it's my everyday life. For those that know me pretty well, would say...that sounds like Jennifer...and I'm fine with that. The center of my personality is a suppressed dorkiness, which rears its ugly head from time to time. And usually in the most unreasonable of times. However, as I have aged, I have become more and more secure in my nerdiness. In fact, I often consider myself a professional nerd since I'm a middle school band director. I just never grew out of it.
The double meaning comes when I consider where I am in my walk with the Lord right now. He has been calling me to a more intimate, close and connected relationship with Him. This has come on the heels of frustration and difficulty. Those needs to belong, be loved, and be known can only be met through Him. He just wants me to settle in His arms and let Him hold me, rock me, and sing over me. This is a revelation I have been given through motherhood. My absolute favorite moments with my daughter have been when she sinks in my arms, listens to me sing, and lets me do the rocking. Then to top it all off, she pushes her lips together, smirks and says mmmwwwaaahhh!
I believe this is what God wants from us, and better yet, I believe this is what we are made for.