Coen's Story

So, another year has passed, and the memory of our son is fresh. Although the pain of his loss is very real and alive in my heart, I can only praise God for Coen's life. He lived 39 weeks in my womb, but God had a plan, even for him. This week I've been distracted and off kilter while I struggle still through the grief I have.

However, I'm reminded of his story. The summer of 2004, Josh was serving on a summer camp team in Chattanooga, TN. We were blessed to be together that summer, and work along side a wonderful ministry. In the first week of camp, there I was... all hot and feeling larger than life in my pregnant clothes. A smaller group of students attended that week, with only a few churches present. In particular was a church- from I don't know where. Our camp director pulled me aside and mentioned a young lady who was with this church. The youth leaders had expressed a need for prayer for her. He asked me if I was comfortable talking with her. I prayed and prayed and prayed for her. I prayed that God's timing would allow such an opportunity.

You see, she was probably 7 or so months along in her own pregnancy, just like me. However, she had never spoken a word about it to anyone, and it was obvious to everyone around her. She hid herself under large clothes and an insecure frame. Her face was full of youth, and her eyes (as I recall vividly) were constantly searching. I watched her for a few days, and all I could see was fear in her. She was apparently scared, and for good reason, despite her attempts to seem strong and portray that everything was fine. My heart swelled up for her.

Later in the week, during worship, I had a heavy burden. My heart was in my toes, and my stomach was in knots. Coen, was a very active baby. He often moved, kicked, and at times felt like he was flipping around in my womb. This was especially true during worship. This night, he was more active than normal, and it signaled to me God's readiness and timely appointment for His ministry to this young girl. I prayed, I cried. I prayed and cried more. Then, I asked for peace, and most of all assurance. God was directly moving me (and Coen) to meet with her and speak life to her and her unborn baby.

So, I reckoned with God and agreed on His timing. However, I did not want to approach her in front of her friends and her youth group, especially in the middle of worship. I begged for God to send her to the bathroom; so when I saw her get up and head out the back, my legs moved automatically behind her. One more chance to ask for God's favor and peace once I approached her. I met up with her in the bathroom, and all I asked her was, "you want to talk?" She immediately broke down. She merely nodded through her tears, and I told her, "It's going to be fine." It seems cliche, but never have truer words been spoken. I knew those were the words God had for her.

We left the auditorium, and sat outside on a bench together. We spent about and hour sharing and talking with each other. I was just as scared as she was about having a baby, she was having a boy too. We had a sweet connection, and I sensed her heart melting before God. Coen and I were able to help move her to a place of grace with God, and openness with her family and friends. She was eager to get the help and support she needed to have a healthy baby. God merely had encouragement for her. I don't remember much else of what was said.

Had I not been pregnant and as far along as she was, I don't believe she would've listened to me. Even still, I'm amazed at how God can and will use us at any age, in any of our own circumstances. So this day, when I think about Coen being 6 years old, I thank God for the life he did have on earth. I love to think about him with a heart for his Heavenly Father, and how he just loved the presence of God. On that night, Coen lived out his destiny, as a representative of God's Grace.

Acts 20:24 "But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God."